Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

9 Dec 2009

It helps to have a dark sense of humour!

I am having a thoroughly hideous week and have been feeling very sorry for myself ..... so what to do? A friend once sent me this and I take it out now and again for an airing .... I keep it because it stops me taking myself too seriously ....


DETRITUS

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead,
Do not walk in front, for I may not follow
Go over there somewhere.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly.
Be open minded, but do not lean forward or your brain may fall out.
Know that there will be good days and bad days
And this is one of them.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Always dismantle and clean the dog before going to bed,
But avoid the use of spot remover or you may never see him again.

You are a child of the universe.
It is a small world unless you have to paint it.
Do not wish for everything unless you have a really big cupboard.

Do not worry about the pace of life,
concern yourself only with its sudden ending.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons.
Sleep well.
If you cannot sleep well, practice more often.

Borrow from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.
Remember, if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day,
Teach him to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink himself stupid.

It is always darkest before the dawn.
That is the time to steal your neighbour's newspapers.

Be gentle with yourself.
Bear in mind that depression is anger without enthusiasm
And good health merely the slowest way to die.

Never argue with a fool for he is doing the same.
Know that if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not a good idea
And that timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Always remember that all is not lost, though I haven’t seen it for some time.
Be yourself.
If you cannot become wiser, try to be older.
Aim as I do, to live forever; so far I am doing all right.

Never stand between a dog and a lamp post
And never hit a man with glasses, always use something larger and heavier.
Remember that some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them,
A closed mouth gathers no feet and nature abhors a vacuum cleaner.

Be cheerful, strive to be happy
And remember that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
Go far ...... and start as soon as possible.


----oooOooo----


With apologies to Max Ehrmann

19 May 2007

Tagged by the Queen of the World

I've just been tagged by artist friend Jo Castillo in a new meme started by Maggie Stiefvater. I don't often participate in memes but here I am joining in with the second one in a month!

How it goes is:

1. I post seven things about myself that are a habit, unusual or that no-one else knows. I also give the link to the person who tagged me and information on how the meme works.

2. I also 'tag' seven blogger friends in a list in this post, and then leave a message on their blogs telling them that they've been tagged (giving the link back to this post).

3. These 'tagees' then post seven things about themselves, repeating steps 1 & 2 ........

Sound a bit confusing? - It's not really and I am going to do the whole bit here. It should be fun running round looking at people's lists!

Participation is entirely voluntary of course ..... But I hope it results in a widening circle of blogging pals for everyone who gives it a go!


MY SEVEN THINGS .....

1. I did not stop looking under the bed every night before getting into it until I was about 25!

2. I am author of 5 chapters in a nursing/medical textbook - McCulloch (Ed), 'Infection Control: Science, management and practice'. London and Philadelphia, Whurr Publishers Ltd, 2000.

3. At age 14 two of my friends and I auditioned for a British TV Talent Show .... we sang a medley of three Everley Brothers' songs - 'Dream', 'Let it be me' and 'Bye-Bye Love'. We were not successful! ... our heat was won by a girls Scottish Pipe Band. But it was a great day out!

4. On the night of the Talent Show audition we went to a concert and saw Adam Faith, Cliff Richards, and the Shadows all together on the same bill at a local theatre. They were all just starting.

5. I have several recurrent nightmares. In the worst one it's night time and I am trying to secure this old house from a dangerous intruder, but as I frantically run to secure all entries points I cannot get any of the windows and doors to latch or lock properly. How neurotic is that!

6. I once laughed so much that I wet myself and created this huge puddle in the street. I was 8 years old at the time .... but you never quite get over a thing like that!

7. Well I really think I have said a bit too much already so this last one is very innocuous! ... I just adore soldiers ...... Marmite ones. (Brits and Kiwis will know about these!)

And should anyone be interested (and I can't think why) .... I once posted another list of Thirteen Things about myself here.


MY TAGS

I am tagging art friends spread across the globe - just to prove what a wonderful networking tool the Blogging world is for artists

Annaig - FRANCE. Beautiful watercolours, acrylics and digital art.

Philip Edson - Alicante, SPAIN. I'm hoping that he will put down his brushes and palette knives for a while and come out to play! Great abstract art.

Nita Leland - Ohio, USA. Artist, teacher, author. Is a great inspiration for me (and many others).

Bee Skelton - CYPRUS. One of the happiest blogs to read that I know of. Full of sunshine, and lovely art.

Viv King - Cape Town, SOUTH AFRICA. Another sunny blog - full of vibrant colour.

Diane Cutter - PUERTO RICO. Wonderful art from this fine artist and printmaker. Met up with her first at Wet Canvas.

Susan Borgas - SOUTHERN AUSTRALIA. My nearest 'neighbour' in the seven - just about 4 hours flying time away! Another super artist and someone who has been a quiet support to me since I have been blogging.

Go see their lovely paintings and find out their seven secrets when they post them!




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11 May 2007

For Mothers everywhere .......


It's Mother's Day in New Zealand this Sunday, and someone forwarded something to me that I thought was worth sharing .............

JOB DESCRIPTION - 'MOTHER'

POSITION
:
Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Momma, Ma, etc


JOB DESCRIPTION
:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.


RESPONSIBILITIES
:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects .

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.


POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION
:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION
:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


BENEFITS
:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the Mums you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated. Plus, being a mother, I'm too tired to type everyone's name


Someone called Chris Farrar sent this off ..... thank you , Chris, wherever you are!

Wanna be in the spotlight?

Here is an idea from Christy at Christy's Coffee Break ..... it's a meme called In the Spotlight. I thought it would be nice to 'lighten up a bit' and have some fun .... and maybe meet some new people, so I'm going to give it a try!

What I have to do is answer a few questions in an 'interview', and then 'tag' some 'favourite' bloggers! You can find all the rules and the list of possible interview questions via the links above.

MY INTERVIEW

When did you start blogging?
I started in December 1995.

What makes your blog unique?
Well, I don't think of it as unique but as it is about me as an artist and is written by me then I suppose it must be!

What is your best quality?
I am easy to talk to.

What is your worst quality?
My feelings show very quickly in my facial expression even when I am trying not to show a reaction .... I have very uncontrollable eyebrows! This has got me into trouble sometimes!

What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?
I started my blog as a sort of 'showcase' for my paintings but now I think of it more as a way of communicating with other people, particularly other artists. So my hope is that people will like my blog enough to come back from time to time.

...................................................................................................................................................................

These are the people I am tagging - chosen because I have not had an opportunity to mention them in a post before and I like their blogs!

Kim Barker - a brilliant portrait artist. Her blog is where I found the link to Christy's meme.

Jo Castillo - one of the first artists to sign up at Art Blogs 4 U and who has been wonderfully supportive of that venture

Jafabrit - a lovely Geordie lass, artist and funny to boot!

Mr Zip (a.k.a. Harry Bell) - another UK artist who writes an enjoyable post or three!

Birdman - not an artist but someone who makes me laugh. In addition to ornithology his interests include frog-bothering and whistling in Esperanto!

If you decide to join in don't forget to link to this post!

17 Feb 2007

20 Jun 2006

Art (of) Manners ... is he lost?

I'd like to know where MANNERS is
It seems he's wearing thin
There's not a lot of him about
Do YOU know where he's been?
I've searched down several avenues
I've asked for some advice
But as to good old MANNERS
I've only seen him once or twice.
I'd rather like to see him back
To find him at my door
Should I wash my hands of MANNERS
And not go looking anymore?
I hear you say "well it's your choice"
And yes that's very true ....
With MANNERS getting lost out there
I've better things to do .......


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8 Jun 2006

Thursday!

Tempus fugit

  1. I feel like my body has got totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.
  2. The nice thing about getting forgetful is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
  3. I've learnt how to prevent sagging .... just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
  4. And I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
  5. I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
  6. I've still got it, but I don't think anybody wants to see it.
  7. And my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
  8. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
  9. I don't think of it as getting hot flashes. I think of it as my inner child playing with matches.
  10. I won't let getting older get me down. It's getting too hard to get back up!
  11. A prayer for when I am very old: Grant that I only forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
  12. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
  13. And I intend to grow old DISgracefully............ so there!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens! (leave the URL link to your blog in comments and I’ll add a link to you here!)

Scouser Oops! sorry! I lied .....

1. Reverberate58 2. Trish 3. Uisce 4. YellowRose 5. Wystful1 6. Carmen 7. Susan Borgas 8. Susan 9. TLWest 10. Caryn 11. Tanya 12. Julie 13. Norma

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

1 Jun 2006


Thirteen Things about Lesly
  1. This is my first try at the Thursday Thirteen thingey .... don't know if I will be able to do it every week but thought I would give it a go!
  2. I am English but I have lived in New Zealand since 1999 ... and like it here.
  3. I was once a nurse - and it seems like a lot of ex-nurses are artists. I wonder why.
  4. Once upon a time I dreamt of being a classical singer .... luckily for the rest of the world this did not happen!
  5. I have been married forever ... he was 17 and I was 15 when we met.
  6. I love cats. I have had several ... my current ones are two gorgeous Tonkinese called Oliver and Pru. They are 10 ... and a bit past their prime, like me.
  7. I don't need breast implants.
  8. I loathe having to clean the shower trap.
  9. I am unable to work the video recorder. But I know that does not make me stupid ... just not interested!
  10. When I was little I wanted six children ... but I had four and that was plenty!
  11. I fancy Colin Firth.
  12. I have always been absolutely hopeless at sports.
  13. I have walked on the Franz Joseph glacier and climbed through a temporary ice cave. I found it pretty scarey.

    Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

    (If you leave the URL link to your Thursday 13 in comments I’ll add you here!)
    1.
    Scouser 2. Moonlight 3. Bubba & Bugs mom 4. Bar Bar A 5.Denise 6.Moogie 7. Jennifer Sprague, High Top Baby Designs 8. Wendy Boucher 9. YellowRose 10. Lady Jane 11. the_yecat
    Ivan - sorry i can't find your blog!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments.